i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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