you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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