how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
