Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize