Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
