dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
