I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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