he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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