life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
