Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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