How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize