on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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