I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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