Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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