So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize