Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
