Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
