So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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