so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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