I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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