i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
