Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
