it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
