Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it's great music for shaving your balls
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Mom said you looked used
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The Olympian is in my bed
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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