as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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