i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
