I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
