Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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