Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
