no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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