The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
