seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
