moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
