p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
