I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
