make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i've created a new STD.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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