Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
