So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
