i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
