Me too!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
