There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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