how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
