I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Randomize