if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I AM VODKA MAN
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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