I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
