I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize