i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
