i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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