I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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