saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
