so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
