she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
