Nicole vs. Life
Where is the hickey?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
