Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
