I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We have started to decorate penises.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize