I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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