At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Threesome in a minivan. New low
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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