I wish I could punch you in the face.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
