Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
