I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
