chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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