Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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