ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
dude i'm inner monologue high
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
