I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
