okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
