well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
