The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
