I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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