I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
