I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
