Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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