Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
