how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
