The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
