it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
