The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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